Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
