I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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