If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
a search helicopter?!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
