I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
