Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
