Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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