I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
