I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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