so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
