Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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