She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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