I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
