i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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