I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
