He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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