If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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