I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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