whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
