She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
