i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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