Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
