I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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