Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
