3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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