I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
