11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
