Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He felt like a one man threesome
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
