when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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