Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
