I got chris browned last night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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