"it" just moved
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
