It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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