another moral hangover. fuck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
