I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
