im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
