i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
