i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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