dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
