last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
