I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
