just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
