Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
