Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Of course I have a pirate flag
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
