i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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