Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
