Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
