this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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