so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
