Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
