You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
