Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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